After a long hiatus from blogging, I’m back with tons of great stuff for you, starting with a relationship update.
About two months ago, I officially ended things with Zach. It has been a whirlwind of emotions and change. All for the best, but nonetheless, hard. I am lucky enough to have friends who were there to pick me up and give Doug and I a place to live until we could find our new home.
I will start by saying this: we were toxic for each other. I was turning bitter and withdrawn as he continued to exude personality traits that were less than charming. We both are to blame for this, but it was me who took the leap and walked away. It took me days to even cry and let myself feel anything after I had moved out. When the decision was made, I went into autopilot and fixated on the menial tasks to get through the transition.
I knew nothing was going to change unless I made a BIG uncomfortable decision. Change never happens when you do the same thing day in and day out. That my friends is actually the definition of insanity!
As hard as it has been, as sad as I’ve felt, I know this is 100% the right choice. Almost immediately my heart felt lighter, and the knots in my stomach started to dissipate. It’s hard to know when enough is enough, but after five months, it seemed fair to me to stop beating myself up over a failed relationship and let him go.
Part of growing up is learning to trust your gut and being confident in who you are and what you want. I needed to realize that no matter what Zach said or did, it wasn’t going to change the way I felt.
Here is my little PSA — No one should make you feel less than, no one should dictate who you can and can’t hang out with, no one should manipulate their partner, no matter the circumstances! If you are in a relationship where you are making excuses for your partner’s actions, not leaving your house for fear of being interrogated when you come home, and letting them use sarcasm to deliver backhanded comments to you, it is time to leave.
I pray to God to work on our hearts so we can be better for Him and hopefully a new significant other someday. This relationship has taught me to work on issues and not run from them while also knowing when it’s time to let that person go.
Being with Zach helped my faith and heart grow in ways I never thought imaginable. Instead of fearing the unknown, I know how to turn to God and feel safe because my plans are in His hands. Zach came into my life for a reason, and I am convinced that reason was to revive my relationship with God. I am honored to have spent the time I did with him and wish nothing but the best for Zach.
I have never felt so confident and happy leaving a relationship. I have never felt so secure in who I am and what I want. For the longest time I had this imaginary checklist of what I thought I wanted in a partner, and now I know that list is BS and all I want in a partner is a good person who I love and loves Doug and me back, no matter what. This person doesn’t need to be tall, have the right job, the right family or house. I am letting my heart lead the way this time and not getting wrapped up in the physical factors because love doesn’t let those things determine if a relationship will work or not.
For now, Doug and I are enjoying our new space, getting used to a new routine, and having fun meeting new people and experiencing life! Stay tuned….
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